Devil's Coachwhip

by Devil's Coachwhip

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about

This is about having a bunch of weird dreams and waking up to realize that you still live in the white-capitalist-hetero-patriarchy. Also some other stuff.

A BRIEF RANT ABOUT TRIGGER WARNINGS AND THE NOTION OF "PC":
So I give trigger warnings for my music, yeah, I know that's not really a thing. If you are thinking "what is this PC bullshit?" then you might not actually like my music or me. I want to say that I think the term "PC" as it is often used in punk scenes, is total bullshit. I'm sick of hearing people complaining about being censored, this is not about adhering to some strict code, it's about respecting people's experiences. I have no desire to be "politically correct" fuck that. I DO want to recognize that we live in a fucked up world where many people experience various forms of intense violence, institutionalized or otherwise. A lot of us have been pretty damaged and some of us experience very serious emotional and physical reactions to reminders of the violence we have faced. I think it is important to treat each other with respect which means making an effort to not rub salt in each others wounds

I also think it is important to say that a trigger warning doesn't mean you are supposed to have an emotional reaction to something, it just means that maybe some people could. Also I know that it is impossible to warn everyone about everything that could potentially make them feel crappy, duh. Music makes me feel things sometimes, that's one of the main reasons I love music. I think it's important to write about the tough stuff and try and relate to one another this way. If these songs were an essay or zine or something, I would certainly put a trigger warning on it, so why not on an album? Take it or leave it.

The point:
Heads up, some songs talk about sexual violence, death, self harm, depression, anxiety, other shitty stuff and also hopefully something positive.

Or you could interpret them in a totally different way from me, who knows!

credits

released 14 September 2012
Devil's Coachwhip on this album is:
Nick Berger - songs, guitar, bass, accordion, banjo + vocals
Bruenor Battlehammer - drums
Potato, Kellyanne, Riley's momma, mysterious person - back up vocals
Katrina - album art

Devil's Coachwhip live is nick playing one instrument at a time.

Thanks to Savage Wasteland, Alder and Wiser, The Ranch, Bruenor, Katrina, Pat, Olive, olive the friends, all of the friends.

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about

A music and arts collective operated by members of the punk band Ramshackle Glory.

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Track Name: The Fire
at night the screaming trains announce their presence past the slumber of dogs that bark through the fences around here
the wind can always whip right through the cracks between the plywood and posters and relics of things Id forget otherwise
oh fragments of disjointed lives and I lived them in solitude lived through the lies
and the ghosts that I've scattered on bead spreads and front steps are tearing through my door tonight
that place I wish I'd seen it burn I know the flames were dancing and licking the rooftops where nothing was right
I'd cry wish I'd fucking cry I know the ways my thoughts can unravel all echoing leftover sentiments oh what a high
woah sick swelling ocean bring me back to life I'll rip down these walls if you'll just hold me tight
but the heat is so big and the air is so dry and I can't ever sleep in the night
Track Name: Falling Down
falling down falling down falling over falling over
lost in the stars scared of the cars
hang around hang around it ain't over it ain't over
those headlights seem like their looking for me
and the people on the street all want something from me
and I see in their eyes all the things they don't want seen
all the things I know people are capable of
all the secrets they could have are scaring me
I've cried out in my sleep and I've begged to be wrong
but my habits are rational considering
how damn hard it is proving to be
to go into the daylight and walk down the street
shut me down shut me down over and over
who do I think I am trying to talk like a man
no more sound no more sound hug your shoulders hug your shoulders
curl into yourself thought you could be loud
my guitar's broken strings are disasters to me
who knows when I'll replace them and continue learning how to scream
cause it's just so unsafe in this town
the coyotes wake me up and tell me to turn around
falling down falling down falling over falling over
Track Name: Prove It
I am walking I am walking why be scared cause I'm just walking but the air is so damn thick
cause I got tits over my heart pumping blood into my veins and the don't pump blood to a dick
so what the hell does that make me less than human
seems like nobody here views me as human
cause a person couldn't shout at a person like he's shouting at me
and I'm screaming and he's laughing and you don't even look at me
and the pounding there behind my eyes the pounding on the concrete
and the rising heat that steams into the night off of the street prove me wrong
for once just prove me wrong
Track Name: Built On Sand
there's a city where I always feel heartbroken
there's a river where I feel it lifted off my shoulders
I don't know if it's just coincidence or if it's magic
my friend called it a sinkhole and in someways I believe him
and he said you could feel like it was built on sand
and I stood on the shore and I felt like it was all the same again
there's a highway where I feel like I'm exploding
anticipating getting here or if I'm leaving where I'm going
I always crack my knuckles nervously and squint
into the wind that shakes whatever machine I'm traveling in
and he said you could feel like it was built on sand
and I slept in the grass and I felt like it was all the same again
there are monstrous things in every real emotion
but the monsters we create avoiding them are always more explosive
I'll shed one tear some time in this next week
to try and keep them coming gradually not just building in me
and sometimes it feels like it was built on sand
and sometimes it feels I have to start it all from scratch again
and those weightless moments when I feel how young I am are the times that I get really fucking scared
just don't want anymore friends to die after loosing touch not knowing I would be there if I could
but I get so bad at writing letters and I always lose my phone
what fucking awful excuses I'll try harder to call you but if I don't and you just hear this song
know I love you I miss you the things that you make give me shivers
and I feel honored to have been so close to you
we will always get broken and sometimes I get scared
we'll forget we deserve better than whatever is currently being shoved in our faces
we will always discover that we built it on sand
and it'll crumble underneath us and we'll have to start again
Track Name: False Nostalgia for an Imaginary Future
why am I getting up today? my head is pounding I've got nothing good to say to any of my friends or housemates I'm just going to complain and waste your time
all of my past is on attack I've lost the means to keep it down and now it's boiling over
claw marks on my rib bones scalding hot and fury in my gut
and never ceasing whispers in my ear "sweetheart, you're fucking drunk."
how the fuck do we get through each day when we can be paralyzed by a thought?
how the fuck do we know what to say? so we say it's ok when it's not
yeah we say it's ok when it's not
yeah I told you I'm fine but I'm not oh hell I'm not
cause statistics are scary it's true but they aren't half of it
and the people that we trust the most are so capable of all this shit
so now I'll never love anyone I'll just sleep by myself feeling safe
but that's just unsustainable so I'll expect more betrayal someday
so I'm armed with my anger and suspiciousness and I'm off to have fun
cause if I don't keep living and growing and fighting then those assholes who scream from their cars have just won
oh I won't lie I've spent a lot of time dwelling on the past but what the hell
I didn't ask for this no I didn't choose this being in this body of mine
oh but it's not regret no it's something else it's the things that I miss somewhere deep
oh that I never knew oh no I never knew but maybe we could learn someday
Track Name: I Could Lie
not what I thought
hidden in between the words oh girl
same shit same damn shit i tried one more time
said that you heard me said you were listening to me
well I heard different and I could lie
Track Name: Teenagers
we were in her living room when she pulled up her sleeve
and I should have done the same but I just tried to talk like an adult
and tell her it was ok but of course the words were fake
and I went home and I cried because her arm looked just like mine
and she used to write me notes about the ways that he would fuck her
we were 13 and it was too weird to say the words out loud
and I dreamed of being her and I dreamed I was her boyfriend
but I was just a kid that girls could talk to about boyfriends
well I met a girl in history she brought me to her mom's
and we smoked pot in the attic and she told me how she ended up here
stepdad in a different state the open windows and the snow
I didn't say the right thing and I never really knew her well
she showed me secret letters she had written to herself
and she gave me mixed cds to study late at night all by myself
I wished I had her haircut cause she looked so tough as hell
but instead I got a boyfriend cause that's what girls are supposed to do now
well I was at a party when I was 17
and this piece of shit showed though I'd told them what he'd done to me
my friends had still invited him they said "relax he was drunk too
why don't you forgive him? it's been months it wouldn't hurt you"
so I drank until I couldn't walk and skidded on the ice
spinning sobbing in the driveway staring up into the cold dark pines
I don't wanna be so angry still at all the teenage girls
cause we were taught not to trust each other
not to take care of each other not to love each other what the hell
Track Name: Desert
we wake up screaming what was that what was it
water over my neck deep the undertow is tugging my feet
but it's the desert instead the dust storms swallow cities
what is the real fear what is just in my dreams
do you remember the way it feels sometimes when we sleep
when bodies and histories are not things to be turned against us
we wake up panicking where did it go what was it again
still in the city the heartless buildings threatening
they said I wanna leave the city
but when I leave I'm in the desert when I leave I'm in the desert
and the desert reminds me of death
oh this city in the desert the city in the desert we're surrounded surrounded by death
oh the city in the desert the city in the desert we're surrounded surrounded
Track Name: Ghost Dreams
in my sleep I found love not a thing like what I thought I'd felt before
and the shape of my love was so much like what I'd thought I'd seen in yours
and the patterns and the cycles of fear they all dissolved
you were there lacking flaws cause I'd built you of the best of those I'd kissed before
and your face wasn't your I could not have remembered it well enough
and my anger and my past and what makes me insecure was nothing at all
didn't notice the ghosts in my bed
whispering names in my ears as I slept
I woke up to the feeling of blood rushing through me
woke up to convince myself it meant nothing to me
oh no
Track Name: Back Pain
the pace we were walking was twisting my ankles
and our backs might be aching but this is the worst place I've ever been gotta keep moving
thought the lights would stop flashing thought our moods would stop crashing with nothing but time
but the weight of the things that appeared in our dreams was to great for the bottles we balanced them in
and keep the exits in your sight
it's a flaw in our logic it's a crack in the ceiling
are their gods we can summon to hold us down keep us down keep all this down press our lips to the ground
but that's not what I needed that wasn't the problem
oh god what is my problem I learned how to cry how to fuck how to scream but it wasn't ok
keep your lovers far away
the load hasn't gotten any lighter
but I think my back's getting stronger